Explanation post

What's up everybody? I know I said I'll post something new on the weekend, and I did write it, but when I finished, it got deleted. So I was mad at myself and all electronic objects, that I didn't want to rewrite it. Sue me.
Now, let's go back to my tragical real-life story. I know I'm probably being too dramatic, but whatever. So, the reason, why I may not and plan not to stay here, at the end of the world, is that, I'm planning to attend an entrance examination at a ballet boarding school 350km away from my current residence. But that's not everything. I'm not quite sure, if that's really what I should do. The thing is, my mom doesn't talk to my dad almost anymore,and nobody knows, if that will end up by a divorce or continue for the next decade or so. But if, what is more possible, if you ask me, then it would be hard for us, because me and my sister would stay with our mom, and my sister has got only two more years of school to go, so it wouldn't be too smart, if we'd make her move. But my mom also looks for a better job, and if us three end up alone, we'll have to move. And if you add my possible passing to that boarding school, I'd leave my mom and sis alone. And that's just wrong. Plus, I don't even know, if I really want to pass. I mean, I want to, but it just seems like a dream behind a foggy ice curtain. I see it, but it's blurry and I know I shouldn't touch it. Like an animal going into an other's habitat. Just wrong...
And leaving my mom seems impossible for me. She planned all our relocations, just to give me and my sister a better life after school. And now, do I want to kinda destroy it? She just doesn't deserve it. I wish I'd be five again, not have any worries and let my parents plan my life, because they know what's best for me. At least I think they did.
Seriously, I hate such unknown situations, where I have no idea what to do, because I don't know, what may how end up. If that's what life's all about, then I have no idea what it's useful for.
Greets,
Giuliana